Criminal Minded

Jess found this on Craig's List:

"Real life criminal needed"

"You need to look and act like the real thing" is one of the job's qualifications, and it somehow cues a stronger laugh track for me than the ridiculous posting's title. You don't have to search very hard to find examples of non-criminals looking and acting like "the real thing," or of real criminals neither looking nor acting like "the real thing."

And, obviously, there are always the thugs of the upper crust--cut from an entirely different cloth and equally deplorable--to consider, though something tells me white collar thieves aren't exactly the type that's being cast here.

In any case, I'm thinking about applying for the part. I need a good backstory, though-- what should my imaginary rap sheet have on it?